my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The Olympian is in my bed
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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