This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
