i'm signing you up for texting rehab
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize