I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
