He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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