The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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