The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
