She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
