Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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