don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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