I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
