at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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