Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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