the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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