I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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