trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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