yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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