YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
