Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
