CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
