you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
