you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
