I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Randomize
