you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
