I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
