I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
