I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
