Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
