Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
