Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize