I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
