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he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
