Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
