Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
