My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
