I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize