Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
