WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
