lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
