I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
