Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
