You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Randomize
