He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
