There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
