I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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