From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
