My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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