watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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