i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
