Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
