At least make sure they are 18
Why
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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