I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I want her autograph on my taint
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
