OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
