if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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