he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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