I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
