White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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