Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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