i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize