Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
