if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
