In the future we'll all be gay
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
