Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
