just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
