you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
