conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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