drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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