We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
