I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
