Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
