She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
