she is the kim kardashian of front butts
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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