His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
