at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
