worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
