i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize