You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
