I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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