**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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