Don't make out with my wife yet
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
