Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
