I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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