I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize