I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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