Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
