it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
