I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
