Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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