In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
