Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I need moral support for this bender
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
