i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
